today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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