He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
