dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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