The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
