I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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