But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
