Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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