Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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