So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
