Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize