my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
