She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
