if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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