pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
