dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
