I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
