I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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