it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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