things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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