Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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