It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
