girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
