there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
