I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
