Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
