I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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