Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize