and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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