Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
