well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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