Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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