Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
