i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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