girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize