i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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