I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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