so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
