why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
