The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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