idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
