this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
