I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
