im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my being single is dangerous.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
