My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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