I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
