its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
