Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
