it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
