I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize