i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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