Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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