Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
