He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
