I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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