I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
