its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
