Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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