If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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