she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
