you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
