I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
