After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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