Christians are straight up FREAKS
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
