So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
