i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
