I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
