At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
