What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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