i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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