I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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