If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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