I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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