Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
