i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How does one acquire holy water?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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