Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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