just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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