it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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