he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
