How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
