those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
