He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
