FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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