Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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