On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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