So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
