I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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