Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
