my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can I color on your dick again?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
