the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't EVER smell your tampon
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
