hotel room ftw
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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