You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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