never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
