Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
