I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
